What's on your mind? A place to discuss anything.

[CFSID Admin]

Sharing, listening, understanding, caring. This is a place for any and all discussions.

[Yolanda]

Hi Everyone

Today is my little mans ninth birthday.

What really hurts is that none of my family, really only have my sister have called me or acknowledged his birthday.

I guess life goes on for everyone else and they forget, but it is something that lives with us to our dying day.



Yolanda

[Irene]

I'm so sorry Yolanda. There just doesn't seem to be anything that makes this day easier year after year, and as you stated, everyone else seems to forget, but it is something that lives with us forever. Thinking of you.

Irene

[trevorsmom]

Its been 30 years since my son became an angel and I still celebrate his birthday. Sometimes I think I"m the only one that still remembers. I do make a point of lighting a candle on those special days and usually family members catch on then.

This year was even more special...I got to celebrate with a new grandson...he carries my son's name which is so special. Life does go on...and although it still carries heartache...it also carries many joys.

[sandra]

Congratulations on your new grandson...how exciting. Joys and heartaches at times do go hand in hand. I agree that at times it seems that everyone has forgotten but as Irene has put above that it is something that lives with us forever...and it is so true. Embrace your memories of your son.

[lee metcalfe]

::Hi everyone:

[lee metcalfe]

May 13, 2013 10:47:31 GMT -5 @lee metcalfe said:

::Hi everyone:

tO trevorsmom,\
My little girl has been gone now since 1975. I think about her each and everyday. I know that the pain of loss never leaves us, and our lives are changed forever. Michelle is her name and my granddaughter has her name for her middle name. We never forget, we learn to live with our grief.

L.M.

[Irene]

Hi Lee, You said it "pain of loss never leaves us,... we learn to live with our grief". I never thought it would get easier after my son died and I would be sad forever, however, I think once I embraced my loss I was able to learn to live with it and carry on to live a fulfilling life, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Of course anniversaries, holidays and birthdays can still sometimes be a little more emotional than other days.

How beautiful that your granddaughter carries, Michelle's name.

[monia]

Hi all, I lost one of my twin daughters to SIDS 20 years ago this 21st of October. Her name was Tanya. Her twin sister Melanie has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl (Sept 9/13) who is the spitting image of Tanya and I sometimes find this hard. Melanie has named her Madison Jennifer (for her GodMother) Tanya in memory of her sister and everyone keeps mentioning how much she looks like her. I am ecstatic that she looks like her, but sometimes it makes me sad, even after 20 years. Also, with the 20th anniversary of her death approaching, I find myself kind of panicking and stressing out that the same thing doesn't happen to her. My daughter lives with me and so I constantly find myself checking to make sure Madison is still breathing and although my daughter is very understanding and patient with me, I don't want this feeling of anxiousness to transfer over to her. What can I do to help ease these feelings for both of us?

Thanks in advance

[Laurie]

Hi Monia...your message speaks so loudly to me. We lost our daughter Allison 32 years ago and now I have a 2 year old grandson. It was so hard, the first year of his life. He look so much like her at one point, many of the same features, her eyes, her mouth, it freaked me out at times. I did not even have him sleep overnight until he was 9 months old and even then I was still a basket case checking on him every 20 minutes. The only thing that I can say is that time is what it will take to eliminate those feelings you are experiencing. No matter what I did, nothing stopped those feelings of fear. That's what it boils down to...like you said... the fear that it's going to happen again. I wish I could offer you a magic answer and tell you what you can do to ease the feelings but I can't. Talk...talk to a friend...write to us here on the forum...if you want you can call the national office and ask them to forward me your contact information and we can talk on the phone if you'd like. It's a tough journey we've been through and it will impact us in so many ways for our whole lives. I am here Monia and I understand.

[monia]

Laurie,

I am so grateful for your response. Knowing I'm not "losing it" and that I'm not the only one who feels or has felt this way is comforting.

Since Madison sleeps almost all her nights, I find myself checking up on her around 0400 when I get up to shower and then again after my shower and just before I leave at 0500. I have discussed this with a therapist at work and she pretty much said the same you did although she has not experienced our loss.

Thank you again for the kind and comforting words and I look forward to speaking to you again.

Monia

[mamat]

i dont know what to say, i lost my baby on october 7th. i dont feel normal. i miss him

[clairabear]

I lost my precious little angel Claira Rose10 days ago. She was 12 days old. I truly dont know how to get through this. She died in my arms while I was awake and within 30 seconds of being wide awake herself. She just stopped breathing all together. No amount of resuscitation could bring her back. We have a temporary diagnosis of SIDS. Further testing is being done now but the pathologist's, medical staff and coroner are warning that we may never know why or how she passed. How is it possible that she could just slip away in my arms while I was trying to save her? I love her and I miss her.

[monia]

Mamat and Clairabear,

I won't tell you that all wounds heal with time, because they don't, but I will tell you that it does get easier. As difficult as that may seem right now, and trust me when I say I know, it will get easier as time goes by.

It's been 20 years since my daughter passed away from SIDS and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, but I have learned to try to think of her in a positive way rather than in the negative. Like when I see a Monarch butterfly, I tell myself it's her coming to say hello, or when I feel something lightly brush my cheek just before I go to sleep at night, that she's giving me a good night kiss. For every positive thing that happens in my life, I thank my daughter for being my guardian angel and for watching over me.

I'm not a religious person, more of a spiritual one, but I do believe that there is a reason for everything. Even if we can't comprehend it when it happens, and we are torn by anger and confusion, I feel that our little angels were needed elsewhere, and that we are never given more than we can handle.

I wish you both the best, and know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Monia